All About Evie Read online

  I don’t.

  I blinked back tears.

  Michael cleared his throat and tapped a Cross pen on his cluttered desk. “You know, Evelyn, I’ve been thinking about taking on an associate.”

  The fact that he called me Evelyn instead of Evie signaled we were entering uncomfortable territory. Evelyn is my given name, but only my mom and childhood friends call me that. And Michael…when he has something unpleasant to discuss.

  I picked imaginary lint off my sleeve, fidgeted in my seat. I chose to pretend that he wasn’t considering me for the associate position. In the past, pre-divorce settlement, on those occasions when I hit an abnormally dry spell and gigs were nonexistent, I did have to work a day job, aka real job. Jobs that require right-brain skills. I did not excel at or enjoy any one of those normal jobs.

  To this day the term nine-to-five makes my eye twitch and my stomach spasm. You can imagine all the twitching and spasming going on just now. I focused on relaxing my clenched jaw. I’ve been struggling with TMJ—Temporomandibular Joint Syndrome—for months. Stress related, my doctor said. Avoid stress. Riiiight. This moment I was wired tighter than a newly tuned piano.

  Temples throbbing, I massaged the right side of my jaw and prayed it wouldn’t lock open when I spoke. I’d hit my quota of embarrassing moments this day, thank you very much. “That’s great, Michael. I guess that means business is jamming.” Not that he ever suffered slow periods, but he’d always operated solo with the exception of a secretary.

  He pushed his trendy glasses up his nose, nodded. “I’m really swamped. You’re diplomatic, organized and friendly. You know the business inside and out. You’d make a damned good agent.”

  To my credit, I refrained from shrieking in horror. In my mind’s eye he morphed into Darth Vader. Come to the dark side, Evie.

  I shuddered. “I appreciate your praise and the job offer, but you know me and nine-to-fives.” Wow. He was right. I am diplomatic.

  “Office hours are ten to six,” he said, as if that one-hour difference mattered. It was still eight regimented hours, five days a week, and entailed—ACK!—computer skills. “The job would be steady, hon, with potential for growth.”

  He rattled off a few more perks. For all my twitching, I had to admit, he knew how to pitch an idea. Then again, Michael could sell a Speedo to an Eskimo. I frowned. “Don’t you think that Sasha would have a problem with us working together?” Sasha’s the twentysomething hard-body who took my place in his bed. “I mean on a day-to-day basis? Same office and all?”

  “She knows there’s nothing between us.”

  Ouch. Okay. We’ve been divorced for several months, separated even longer. But, still. Didn’t fifteen years of amiable bliss count for anything?

  The phone rang.

  He mouthed an apology and snatched up the receiver. At this point I didn’t care if it was the corporate yahoos calling to report the incident. I needed a moment to recover from that zinger and to collect my thoughts.

  Logically, I knew that Michael thought he was doing me a favor by offering me a job within my field. A job where I could make good money, steady money, if I learned to play both sides of the fence. There was definite longevity on the business side of entertainment and I couldn’t eke out a living by dipping into the proceeds from the sale of our house forever. But instead of doing me a favor, it felt as if he was putting me out to pasture.

  I could feel my arteries hardening and the grey hairs sprouting.

  My lungs constricted to the size of lima beans.

  He hung up the phone, straightened his tie and glanced at his watch. Since he was wearing a suit I assumed he had an impending meeting with a client. Before he could dismiss me, I sucked air into my bean-size lungs and made a last-ditch effort. “I heard through the grapevine that Tropicana is starting up a costumed greeter program.”

  He set his open briefcase on his cluttered desk. “Yeah, I got a call a couple of days ago. They’re looking for attractive, animated women who can interact easily with guests while providing information on sweepstakes, slot tournaments…you know.”

  Yeah, I knew. That was the point.

  “They’re looking for someone exactly like you.” He tossed three files and a bottle of Tylenol into his briefcase. “Only younger.”

  He latched shut his case and glanced up, meeting my steady, albeit hurt, gaze. A slight grimace indicated he’d just realized how that sounded. The phone rang, saving us both from addressing what he’d been skirting.

  My age.

  “Pam, slow down,” he said into the mouthpiece as I massaged a sudden, crushing ache in my chest. “I can’t understand you. Calm down, hon. Take a breath.”

  Was he talking to Pam or me? Sweat beaded on my forehead and my fingers tingled. What, I wondered, did a heart attack feel like? I was certainly old enough to have one. Actor John Candy keeled over at forty-four. Okay, he had weight issues, but still.

  “A car accident? What…Dammit, Pam.” He whipped off his glasses and squeezed the bridge of his nose. “Of course I understand. I’ll handle it. Somehow. I’m just glad it’s not worse. Take care of yourself and check in when you can. Bye, hon.”

  He hung up the phone, shoved his glasses back on and scanned computer files. “Who the hell am I going to get to cover this gig on such short notice?”

  What about me? I wanted to ask, but didn’t. Pride dictated a more subtle route. Besides, I didn’t even know what the gig was. I ignored my own sudden and mysterious ailments and voiced concern for Pam what’s-her-name. “What’s wrong?” I scooted to the edge of my seat in a not-so-subtle attempt to peek at his flat-screen monitor. “What happened?”

  “A disaster by way of a three-car pileup,” Michael snapped while scanning his database. “Instead of heading for the airport for a contracted engagement, Pam Jones is on her way to the hospital with a broken leg and bruised ribs.”

  “That’s awful, but like you said, at least it’s not worse.” I didn’t know Pam Jones, but I had a good view of her head shot and physical stats via Michael’s computer screen. It was almost like looking into a mirror. We both had an all-American vibe going. Pale skin that freckles in the sun, wide blue-green eyes, golden-blond hair. Only Pam had been blessed with long, fairylike curls. The woman could’ve posed for a Pre-Raphaelite painting whereas I looked like a trendy poster girl for Ivory soap. My pain-in-the-butt, stick-straight hair was currently shoulder length and razor-cut into funky layers.

  I refocused on Pam’s stats. Okay, she was four inches taller than me and probably a natural blonde, but, that and hairstyle aside, we were pretty interchangeable. Why not dull the shock of a last-minute replacement by offering the client a similar product? Meaning, moi.

  My anxiety over being put out to pasture dampened my sensitivity to Pam’s injuries. “Which airport? A.C. or Philly? Maybe I can help. What is it? A meet and greet for conventioneers?” A few years ago I appeared as a mermaid at the Atlantic City Train Station, part of the hoopla to celebrate the arrival of the Miss America contestants. Nothing fazes me. I’m willing to lend atmospheric hoopla to any visiting organization. Well, except the porno convention I saw featured once on HBO. I draw the line at Darla-the-Dancing-Dildo.

  Michael spared me a sidelong glance as he stood and rushed to his file cabinet. “It’s a—” he waggled his fingers as if to snatch words from the air “—special interest gig. Out of state. Pam was supposed to meet her contact at Philadelphia International. The ship sails out of Fort Lauderdale.”

  “A cruise ship, huh?” I chewed my thumbnail, musing as he sorted through select head shots and résumés. I’d never performed on a cruise ship, but I was familiar with the venue via the experiences of friends. “How long is the engagement? What’s the pay?” Never mind that I was prone to motion sickness. I was desperate to do what I love, what I was born to do, for as long as I could. Even if it meant existing on Dramamine.

  “Eight days for three plus all expenses,” he mumbled, distracted.

 
The timing was sweet, but the money…“Three hundred dollars?” For eight days of my life?

  “Three thousand.”

  Zowie. If I rushed home I could pack and be on my way within thirty-five minutes.

  Michael chucked the files back into the drawer with a curse, scraped a hand over his cropped hair. “Either they don’t have the right look or they’re not qualified. What the hell am I going to tell Arch?”

  Arch Productions? Never heard of the company, but if they were clients of Michael’s they had to be reputable. I stood, looped my travel tote over my arm. “Tell them I’m on my way.”

  He met my gaze, bit the inside of his cheek. He wasn’t sold.

  “I’m a quick study, Michael. If you’re worried about me learning my lines—”

  “No script. There’s a character profile, but mostly this job hinges on improvisation.”

  “Bonus.”

  He peeled back his shirt cuff, checked the time. “You’d have to participate in passenger activities.”

  “What, like bingo and shuffleboard? Is that supposed to scare me? Me, who’s led many a conga line not to mention limbo and hula hoop contests?” I rolled my eyes. “I can’t believe you’re hesitating. This job has me written all over it.”

  Visibly frustrated, he braced his hands on his hips and raised one brow. “You’d have to room with a man.”

  That was a problem because…? I knew only headliners rated private cabins. So my roommate would be a guy. So what? If he was a dancer, ten to one he was gay. If not gay, he was probably in his twenties, which also nixed hanky-panky. Although I hadn’t had sex in a year, good sex in even longer, I couldn’t imagine screwing around with someone young enough to be my…well, I just couldn’t imagine. That didn’t mean I wouldn’t appreciate the company and the view. I’m divorced, not dead.

  I matched his stance and expression. “Not to repeat myself, but, bonus.” I waited a beat. Two beats. Three.

  Not a flicker of jealousy.

  Irritated, I narrowed my eyes. “I’m perfect for this job and you know it.”

  My ex-husband, soon to be ex-agent if he didn’t buckle, sighed. “This isn’t a normal gig, Evie.”

  But it was a gig. I shifted my weight, wishing I’d had time to swap my high-heeled sandals for my high-top sneakers. My feet smarted as badly as my conscience. I still hadn’t told him about my botched audition. The words wouldn’t come. Instead I said, “I need to get out of town for a while.” I pictured Michael and that barely legal model doing the horizontal mambo, let the hurt and anger swell. I nabbed his yellow-and-blue-striped tie and jerked him down to my eye level. A considerable distance since I was a foot shorter than his six foot two. “You owe me.”

  Hunched over and momentarily frozen in his calfskin oxfords, he stared me down for a full minute. I don’t know what won him over—my persistence or my thinly veiled desperation. Maybe he’d read my mind and was feeling the teensiest bit guilty about Sasha. Or maybe he was considering my mental stability. After all, I had a death grip on the silk fabric looped around his neck.

  Seemingly considering my sanity, he pried loose my fingers then smoothed his shirt and tie. “You do favor Pam in coloring.”

  I performed a victory happy dance, giddy with excitement and relief. Eight days far and away from the city that no longer considered me an asset. Eight days to contemplate my future, padding my bank account in the process. Pam’s misfortune was my blessing.

  Ignoring my comical jig—a routine that used to amuse him—Michael glanced at his watch, the phone. “You’ll be stepping into the shoes of a free-spirited newlywed.”

  “A comedic role. My specialty.”

  “Except we’re not talking eccentric kook.”

  “What are we talking?

  “Think Judy Holliday in Born Yesterday.”

  The mental image was crystal clear, the irony priceless. “Ditsy ex-showgirl?”

  He smirked. “You’d need to provide your own wardrobe. Miniskirts, microshorts, crop tops and stiletto heels. A Wonderbra wouldn’t hurt.”

  It never did. Since I was dead set against a boob job, I owned several bust-enhancing brassieres. On occasion I’ve been hired to portray a zaftig, although usually zany, character. As a freelance entertainer I often provide my own costumes, although in this instance it struck me as odd. A low-budget production show? On a cruise ship? Maybe it was an interactive murder mystery or improvisational theater like Tony n’ Tina’s Wedding.

  I started to ask specifics but was sidetracked by Michael’s cocky expression. Clearly, he expected me to back down. Clearly, he thought he knew me, which he did. Familiarity used to make me feel special. Just now I felt predictable, boring and somewhat ill.

  My self-esteem plummeted by the nanosecond. The need to escape Michael, this town, my life, was excruciating. I shrugged. “So I’ll have to flaunt my body. I don’t have a problem with that.”

  “Since when?”

  “Since today.” This was it. Time to ’fess up. I waited until he turned his back in search of his briefcase. “Just so you know, I flashed the execs at the audition.”

  He snapped the lid closed. “What do you mean, you flashed them?”

  “They were looking for T & A, so I showed them T.”

  He smiled. “Yeah, right.” Shaking his head, he leaned over, signed on to the Internet and speed-typed an e-mail.

  I squelched a smug retort. I wasn’t the only predictable one in this room.

  Case closed, I thought, as he signed off AOL, snagged his briefcase and shooed me toward the door.

  “What time am I expected at the airport?” I asked, more than happy not to elaborate on the botched audition.

  “In three hours. You’ll have to haul ass. I’ll call you on your cell with details.” He followed me out the door, down the stairs and onto the buckled sidewalk.

  I glanced over my shoulder, cursing myself for wanting to impress him even as the words left my mouth. “You won’t regret this, Michael.”

  “It’s not you I’m worried about,” he said as we moved toward separate cars, separate lives. “It’s Arch.”

  CHAPTER THREE

  THIRTY-SEVEN MINUTES later I was packed and on my way to Philadelphia International Airport.

  Arch, it turned out, was my contact. Arch Reece. An acquaintance of Michael’s, although not once in the fifteen years that we’d lived together had he uttered the man’s name. Michael hit the highlights of the gig during a cell phone call as I sped west on the Atlantic City Expressway. Details were minimal and cryptic.

  “Arch has your ticket. He’ll be waiting for you at American Airlines.”

  “What’s he look like?”

  “Today? I’m not sure.”

  Cryptic statement number one.

  “Don’t worry about it, Evie. He’ll approach you.”

  “How will he know what I look like?”

  “I e-mailed your head shot, along with a brief explanation about Pam. Be sure your phone’s charged. You always forget and—”

  “It’s charged,” I grumbled. So I forgot once in a while. So what? My world, unlike Michael’s, did not revolve around phones and the Internet.

  “He’s not going to like the last-minute switch,” he said, blowing over my snippy tone, “but he’s desperate and he trusts me and I trust you. You’re anal when it comes to nailing a gig.”

  “Gee, thanks.”

  My sarcasm garnered an exasperated sigh. “That was a compliment.”

  Actually, it was. Michael respected my work ethics. He considered me a rarity. He’d told me so hundreds of times over the years. I wish every performer was as conscientious as you, Evie.

  Too bad you can’t retire on stellar ethics, I thought moodily. Although rebelling hadn’t secured my future, either.

  My cheeks burned with contrition. Even though my anger was righteous, I regretted my rash behavior. A spotless reputation tarnished in one bonehead moment. Flash. Poof. Tah-dah! Optimistic professional turns into cynica
l hoyden. It felt scary. Like I’d contracted a mysterious disease.

  Like the me I knew was dying.

  If I wasn’t me, the girl who brightened people’s lives with a skit, song or dance, who was I? All my life, I’d felt as if I’d been put on this earth for one reason. To entertain. Even when my marriage crumbled, I still had purpose.

  “Are you all right, hon?”

  No. My world was falling apart, and my jaw hurt due to some hearty teeth grinding. I opened my mouth as little as possible for fear my jaw would lock. “I’m peachy.”

  I squeezed the steering wheel, punched the gas. Must. Escape. Town. “So about Arch.”

  “He’ll prep you for the job before you board the ship. When he relays specifics, just remember I warned you.”

  Cryptic statement number two.

  Suddenly I wondered about the outrageously high but wonderful salary quote. “Meaning?”

  “There’s a small level of risk.”

  “Define risk.”

  “Just follow Arch’s directive implicitly, otherwise…”

  A pregnant pause raised the hair on my arms. “What?”

  “Never mind. Just don’t deviate from Arch’s script and everything will be fine.”

  “I thought there was no script.”

  “You know what I mean.”

  “Not really.” Approaching a toll booth, I eased left and zipped through the EZ-Pass lane, my imagination soaring. “Oh, jeez, Michael. Is this a variety act? You said I’ll be playing the free-spirited newlywed. Is Arch the daredevil groom? Is he going to saw me in half or shoot an apple off of my head?” Visions of Folies Bergère sashayed through my head. “Please tell me this doesn’t involve a rhinestone G-string and sequined pasties!”

  He snorted. “As if you would bare your breasts for art.”

  I smirked, slowing from seventy to sixty-five. The last thing I needed was a cop on my tail. I couldn’t afford the time or the ticket. “You think you know me so well.”